Westy's Besties
For those of you jingle-asses who don't know how to drive in snow (and you know who you are), let me give you a tip or two. And this comes from a guy who, as a 16 year-old, learned how to drive in this crap.
*You have extra gears (generally referred to as D2 and D1) on your car's gear shift for a reason. Use them, you morons!
**Putting the accelerator to the floor will not help you get up a hill. Put the car in D1 and lightly place your foot down on the accelerator. It will seem like a miracle, but your car will slowly move up the incline that you are trying to tackle. Again,
DO NOT floor it!
***
DO NOT slam on the breaks when sliding down a hill. Instead, lightly pump the brake and steer the same direction the car goes.
****Drive carefully and sensibly, please. And if you don't have the confidence to drive on bad roads, stay home.
More KCFORUM.net quotes are coming soon, so please stay tuned during the week of 2/9. But for now, read on!
Journal Entries from Westy's trip to Oklahoma City (January 15th - January 17th)
Well, here I am on my way to Oklahoma City. I'm not really sure how to get there, or exactly where to drive when I get there...I generally just kind of point to a spot on the map and say "I'm going there" and start driving in that general direction and hope that I make it to the right place.
I already had trouble this morning, as well. I stopped off at this little gas station and got myself some gas; gave them my company credit card and the machine starts asking for a "Customer Code". I said to the lady, "I've never had this happen before." And of course the entire time she thinks I've stolen the card, but she won't say it. Embarassing. She finally called her manager up, as if by some magical occurrence she would be able to make the card work. She told me to try the last four digits of my social security number. I do this, hit enter...and then the machine proceeds to ask for an "Odometer Reading."
"Odometer reading?! What is this?!? What does this have to do with - "
"It's asking for an odometer reading on the car," the manager said, interrupting my rant. Translation? "If you wouldn't have stolen the card, maybe you'd know how to use it." I stared at her for a brief moment, realizing that I was not going to win the battle of technology, today.
"Ok...you know what? Why don't you just use my Discover Card," I said, reaching into my pocket. By this time I was quite pissed off. I got back in the car wondering what the hell was going on. Nothing like this had ever happened before when using that card. I got back on the road and gave a quick call to the office. Lo and behold, I am told the new secret (that no one has told me about) to using my company credit card. I must've been absent that day.
Anyway, on the road to nowhere...to Oklahoma City. There's no way my instructions are going to match up with the map I've got. It's amazing that I even know how to use a map because, only a few years ago, you could've drawn me a map to my next door neighbor's house and I never would've made it there. Being in sales for the last five or six years has forced me to learn the trade of map reading. And there's nothing wrong with that...it broadens my horizons.
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Well, I just went through Emporia, KS and I had to stop at a toll booth to get a special ticket because at some point or another I'm going to get charged. What I want to know is whatever happened to the good old days when you could actually drive through this country for free? I mean, I don't understand this anymore. It costs money to drive through the country? Can you imagine Wyatt Earp being charged a toll when galloping from Dodge City, KS to Tombstone, AZ?
"Mr. Earp, that'll be $7."
"Do you guys take American Express?"
Isn't it bad enough that driving costs you wear and tear on your car and gas and everything else? We're now being charged a fee for using the roads. Give me a frickin' break!
After being on this toll road for a good fifteen or twenty minutes, it suddenly occurred to me that it might be a good idea to pay attention to the signs along the road to make sure that I'm going the right direction. After stopping at the toll booth to get my ticket, I went around a couple of curves and I'm fairly certain that I ended up in the right direction on I-35 South heading towards Oklahoma City...but, I'm not sure. By the way, I've got to take a
massive pee. And of course there's no gas stations, no restaurants - just the toll road! Nowhere to turn around, nowhere to turn off, and no road signs to tell you where you're going. Not even a sign to tell you how fast you're supposed to be going. This blows. I hate these damn things!
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Welcome to Wichita!
(Sings) "I am a lineman for the county. And I drive the main road. Searching in the sun for another overload."
What is it with Glen Campbell? All those songs about cities:
(More Singing) "Country Boy (You've Got Your Feet In L.A.)", "Houston (I'm Coming To See You), "By The Time I Get To Phoenix".
There's a bunch more. We were supposed to see Glen Campbell in concert at the Ameristar Casino on February 13th, I believe. The show's already been cancelled. Why? We're not sure. But we're speculating that it has something to do with his altercation with the law earlier this year and his recently-rediscovered alcohol problem. Poor Glen. If I were him, I'd still be blaming Tanya Tucker.
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I did eventually find out that I was going in the right direction and traveling at the right speed, by the way. I just stopped off at the "gas/service area" and purchased myself some food at McDonald's. I was driving along trying to enjoy my meal and listen to some Matchbox Twenty, when, five minutes after stopping, I'm forced to stop again, this time to pay a toll. So I've got to reach into my backseat, grab my coat, pull my wallet out, get the money out...to pay a toll. There. I hope the country's happy. I hope the state's happy. I'm paying to use...the road.
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Well, the rest of the day was quite interesting. I got to downtown Oklahoma City...and drove around the block a half dozen times trying to figure out for sure where I should park. Where is the most convenient place to park? I called the hotel and they suggested a place. I soon found out that this place was the
wrong place because it was nowhere near the hotel or the convention center. I eventually figured out the correct place to park, which cost me six dollars. But since I won't be moving my car for the next two days, I will not have to pay any more than the six dollars. By the way, they make you pay the money up front.
So I parked the car, got to my booth, and noticed that the booth behind my booth (one aisle over) had half their booth in the back of my booth. So I promptly moved their booth back into their booth, and within two minutes, the owner of said-booth asks me,
"Can we share here?"
"Well, I don't know. How much did you pay for your booth, dummy?"
To make a long story short, half his booth is still in my booth because I'm such a nice guy.
By the time I finally got to my hotel room this evening I was exhausted. I took off half of my clothes, grabbed the only one dollar bill I had in my wallet (along with two 20's), and walked down the hall to the pop machine, saying to myself "You can cost fifty cents, you can cost seventy-five cents, you can even cost a dollar and I won't complain. Just don't cost more than a dollar." I arrived at the pop machine and sure enough - a dollar and a quarter. Freakin' wonderful. So I had to settle for ice water. But of course I couldn't have ice water until I found the hidden ice bucket in my room. After ten minutes of searching, I finally found the bucket - inside the television/entertainment center? Amazing. It's a nice hotel, don't get wrong. They're just "lacking" in certain areas.
I spent the remainder of the evening at the trade show social hour - had a few beers and snacks, and hung out. I had dinner late, as I often do while on a business trip. And now I'm lying in bed, staring at a hockey game on T.V and writing this. At least my hockey team is winning. Come to find out, the show doesn't start until 1 PM tomorrow, so I guess I'll get up and make a couple of phone calls, maybe do some work, and eventually make it over to the famous Oklahoma City Federal Building. And then I'll come back for the luncheon and then off to the show. And then the banquet and then the - well, you get the drift. Anyway, that's the plan. Goodnight.
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After my first night of sleeping here I've realized that most hotels have really gotten cheap on the beds. I mean, this bed was so hard last night that I may as well have slept on the floor. Come to think of it, it really wasn't that bad - I've had a lot worse. But since I ended up having dinner so late (later than I originally intended), I went to bed on a full stomach, which caused me to wake up with thirst/dehydration issues in the middle of the night. I didn't sleep very well. And so goes another night chalked up to bad sleep. I probably should just go to the doctor and get something prescribed so I can sleep better at night. Maybe I can get on the road to becoming Elvis...
I decided not to make any phone calls this morning; just let the office do their thing. If I call in too much they'll think...well, I don't know what they'll think. But they'll think something, and I don't want them to think it, so... In the meantime, I'm going to finish my breakfast here in the room and head off to find the Federal-whatever-memorial-building-thig-a-ma-jigger. I can walk there and find it, assuming that it's not raining out. I happened to catch on T.V. that it was raining, or has been raining, but it's supposed to stop. And it does look dry right now outside, but windy. Thankfully, I don't have any hair to blow around - oh my goodness! (Looking out window) What is that? It looks like a building blew up last night. Oh forget it, it's just old, Oklahoma City. All the buildings look that way.
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I just got back from the memorial for the federal building that was bombed in 1995. It was a very morbid, yet touching experience. There were a lot of interesting little things, and a lot of damage done that you can still see to give you a feeling of what really happened there.
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Well, my trip to Oklahoma is complete. It's Saturday afternoon and close to three o'clock...and I would have to say that the show was a success. Everybody has mixed emotions about trade shows, but it all boils down to what you accomplish and what you feel you've accomplished for the future. I feel that I have taken great strides in beginning to help my company get its name out into the open again.
And now it's time to get out of here and hopefully find the right direction towards Omaha...and not forget to get gas. Wish me luck!
