A holiday update sure does show my dedication, doesnt it? What more could you want? Oh, the Power Rankings, you ask? Consider this a holiday carry-over. That's right folks...Phat Endy is STILL Numero Uno.


Westmar's Best Of KCFORUM.NET - 29th Edition

"I can only surmise that my exclusion from Westy's musings must stem from my ability to have a life whereby influencing my inability to repeatedly post in here. The power rankings wreak of corruptness, scandal, collusion, tyranny - damn, I need to find a way to make my debut!" - DapperD

"However, 4 out of 5 pharmacists agree that you (Soylent Green) are still a jingleass." - Phat Endy
W: And it doesn't even take a pharmacist...

"CDUBB, where is your new job? My mom just got a new job with a maintenance company and if your new company is in one of the buildings she cleans, I'm gonna tell her to quit before she happens upon on of your...er...experiences." - frankentiger

"It's (Off The Couch column) pathetic. And usually I like him (Greg Hall). Now I know why there are no archives on the site so I can go back and see how he ripped all the moves when they were made. I also know what a 'column' would look like if it were written by Fescoe." - FrankWhite4Ever

"I heard on the radio that there are a number of prosecutorial witnesses that will say Michael asked flight attendants to put alcohol in Coke cans to get children drunk. I can only assume catkins had something to do with this." - Real Stonie

"But I thought....I thought....Hot Carl was dead? CDUBB did the eulogy and everything. I'm confused and scared. I see dead people." - catkins
W: Hot Carl is back, folks, but apparently he needs to warm up before he finds his way back on The Best Of site. He didn't make the cut this week.

"Hey Newbie. Wax on, Phug off" - tater

"I asked Beltran from the 3rd row behind the Crown Seats if that was a cross or a dollar sign he makes in the dirt before each AB" - iplayoutside
W: Although funny and creative, this statement is sure to piss FW4E off when he reads it. With Beltran trade-talks getting more serious by the day, now seems as good of a time as any to start jabbin' at FW4E and begin our discussion of how greedy Bel-trade is or isn't.

"Not only is (Danny) Graves leading the Majors in saves, but he gets his wallet back. Good for him." - Battle Cat
W: Cincinnati's Graves had his lost wallet overnighted to him by a bus cleaner-guy. The most frightening part of this story was when a thankful Graves told reporters, "He's going to get a little more than an autograph," when asked how he would repay the good samaritan.

"And WTF (computer eubonics) is (Bill) Cosby doing talking? Didn't he invent 'Fat Albert?' Are you telling me Mush Mouth isn't the grandfather of some of todays eubonics?" - Stugats

"Ah yes...Germany doing what they do best - STUPID THINGS." - westmar
W: My assistant (who used to be a female but was replaced this week with male after last week's Leawood John/lawgeek quote screw up) picked this one out.

"Got a minute and wanted to say hi. Job is going well. No lawsuits yet. OKC (Oklahoma City) has no pro sports (Arena League Football, IHL, and AAA Baseball don't count) and 2 sports talk stations. Really not all that bad, but the callers suck. If you think that KK's KSU rants are bad try all Sooners, all the time radio. Probably not a good idea when my Sooner Area Director told me he was taking over the KC region to respond with, "Are you sure that's a good idea? Bad things happen when Sooners go to KC." - O&A Army

"...pee sitting down? Hell I don't shit sitting down." - KCPowercat
W: Neither did G.G. Allin.

"You can count on it. I'm bailing. Please consider re-naming the Terror Dome the pussy room. Another victory for the ditto-heads. Piss on it." - Leawood John
W: Am I the only one who's noticed that "Leawood John" and the screen name "brainiac" resemble the same person? Let me put it to you this way...if LJ is NOT brainiac, he definitely has himself a little defender. Remember the loving relationship that Soylent Green and Greg Hall had/have? Remember how we used to think Soylent Green WAS Greg Hall? Well, check out the threads "Attention Forum!" and "Is the TERROR DOME appropriately named?" Keep a close eye on Leawood John and brainiac's posts in the "Attention Forum" thread and then note how brainiac comes to the plate with the Terror Dome thread after LJ "retires". This is all just observations on my part. I know nothing to be true for certain.

"And with that, LJ goes the way of buckybadgersbrother! So long LJ, you'll be missed!I'm having the initials "LJ" taken off of all my hand towels." - catkins
W: Boy, that retirement lasted long, didn't it?

"If Clinton were president, LJ (Leawood John) would be running around in a stained black dress." - Karupt
W: Welcome back to the Best Of, Karupt!

"You (Leawood John) gotta blow it off man, because in the end, everybody else here but me is a serious internet loser. Who gives a flying fug at a rolling donut what they think anyway? I sure as hell don't. Of course we can't all be #1 in the power rankings, now can we?" - Phat Endy
W: With posts like this, how will Endy EVER fall from #1?

"Kobe's PR team's explanation for sperm in her rectum was that his shot was off due to the altitude." - TigerPiper

"Hey Fiber. Is that your lil lady in your avatar? If it is, I am almost sold on going over and getting one of those. Just have to figure out how to tell the current one she is no longer of any use." - HuskerBen
W: I'm right there with you, H-Ben. I told Fiber I'd go storm-chasing with him if the woman in his avatar tagged along.

"My good deed of the day was sitting thru that Royals game. Actually...I'm just stupid." - unclejay
W: Last Thursday's 17-7 loss was the worst MLB game I have ever witnessed. Disgusting. Thank God the tickets were free.

"No way we don't have a chance if we (The Royals) can play like this." - KCPowercat
W: Am I the only one who had trouble comprehending this sentence?

"This is overkill. VIPIR this and Doppler that....They just said this is only affecting 5% of the viewing auidence. The self importance of these local stations just pisses me off." - twotimes3233
W: We have these discussions every year around this time - too much weather vs. not enough weather vs. need the weather. The truth is, KMBC probably went overboard on Saturday because they were afraid of once again being out-done by little ole Katie Horner and KCTV 5. But seriously folks...is there anything more stimulating than watching live chopper footage of a tornado's destruction as it happens?

"Days, weeks, months go by. The seasons change. New teams rise and fall in the sports world, leaders of countries are disposed, assasinated or voted out of office. Wars and conflict rise, fall and give birth to new conflict. New posters register get hazed as newbies and settle into a posting style, and through it all KCPaul reamins as the biggest tool and resident board bitch of KCFORUM.net." - JayhawkChris

"I think the cardinal fans would agree that any first base umpires in Kaye Cee should be horse whipped." - HipityHop
W: Did he have to research this line before he posted it?

"Signing yearbooks today. My wrist hasn't cramped up this bad since the Pamela Anderson video came out." - Phat Endy

It's been a few weeks since my last update, so naturally everyone will be expecting a lengthy one. I think most of you will be pleased.

Sparing you the usual Westmar-B.S. about my trip to New Orleans, let's get right down to the nitty gritty.

In case you hadn't heard, I firmly believe there is something "fake" about the Nick Berg beheading video. If you haven't watched the video, you probably have no idea what I'm talking about - and you probably think I'm insane. If you've watched the video and saw nothing suspicious, you need to have your eyes checked - or pay more attention to what you're watching.

Hot Carl has been gone for several weeks now, after taking his own "life". I felt it would be fitting to begin today's update with CDUBB's Eulogy For Hot Carl. Stay tuned...another Hot Carl alter-ego could be making it's way to The Forum very soon!


Westmar's Best Of KCFORUM.NET - 28th Edition

"Eulogy for Hot Carl:

Hot Carl. The man that the girls in his office thought was hot and whose name just happened to be Carl.

Hot Carl meant many things to many people and many, many, many ex-wives. Most of all to all of us he meant too many things and too many personalities to count. His life was far less pointless than any of his 4000 posts.

So on this day let us not mourn the loss of Hot Carl, but celebrate all of the things he brought to KCFORUM.NET. I can't seem to think of anything he contributed right now, but I'm sure something will come to me later.

If Hot Carl were here now he wouldn't want us to be sad. He would want us to reach down deep and unzip Hawkchief's pants and massage his balls like a wad of beige play-dough with hair in it and give him an hj since he is no longer with Hawkchief anymore to do it himself.

I will leave you with my favorite memory of Hot Carl and a story I think truly epitomizes him. This story is set at the Royals Home Opener. See, Hot Carl and I had ridden with Hawkchief and Hawkchief had decided to park as far away from the tailgate as possible so we had to trek a few miles to get to site. During this walk we saw a young man who was there to take in the game and this boy was severely handicapped. This boy was the kind of handicapped that he didn't even know he was at a Royals game. As we walked by the boy Hot Carl said something that I will never forget, and it gave me a brief glimpse into the soul of Hot Carl. He looked at that boy and said 'Look at that retard'. See Hot Carl was a softy at heart and that story was all the proof I needed to confirm that Hot Carl was more than gay smack and crude one-liners, he was also a person.

Hot Carl, you were more than just a screen name to many of us and we will miss you deeply. I know you are looking down on us right now and so I say to you Hot Carl, 'Look at that retard'." - CDUBB
W: And I catch hell for self-promoting? Doesn't it frighten you that, like Elvis, Hot Carl is actually more popular now that he's dead?

"I get two quotes in his best of, I post a wonderful picture of pig sex, go out on a limb and share the fact that one of my exchange students was a slut, and I still can't crack the top 40. Some guy called Hot Carl is still in there and I can't remember when the last time that dude posted anything. I think it is a new school vs old school conspiracy and I am calling my congressman today for an investigation" - combine billy
W: It's difficult for Hot Carl to post when he's dead. But I guess Elvis was able to serve up Slurpies from the grave, so...Maybe the new school vs old school conspiracy had something to do with the Nick Berg video. Does anyone know if Karupt owns an orange jumpsuit?

"I was offered super moderator status, but I refuse to wear the tights and the cape." - lawgeek
W: And the orange jumpsuit.

"I personally think they should close the Kansas schools down for 5-10 years to give Missouri schools a chance to catch up...It's only fair." - Leawood John

"I drove past a lady today who had a 'Mi Wee Westies' magnetic sign on her car. Her license plate was Westy-2. I'm wondering exactly what 2 wee westies she is referring to..." - KCsportsnut

"Hey ladies! 'Come by catkins apartment and give him a handy day' is next week! Don't forget to stop by Osco's on your way home from work sometime this week and pick up some KY!!!!" - catkins

"If they're going to kick us all to the curb eventually, might as well give us some clogged arteries just in time for our health coverage to lapse." - Rancho Relaxo

"If fiber wants to save money he can stop buying deodorant for his asshole and taint and just use it on his arm pits like the rest of us." - CDUBB

"If I see Darrell May somewhere, I'm going to FIGHT him." - KC Paul
W: Congratulations, KC Paul! This one made me laugh quite hard. The timing was perfect.

"I'm not a homosexual, but if I was elected I'd spend alot of time making it so gay men & women can't marry the same sex in this country. After that, it's off to Mars!!!! YEEEEEEEEEE HAWWWWWWWWW!!!" - catkins
W: Judging by the choices we'll have in the voting booth this November, would anyone be surprised if catkins slips by the other two dingle-berries and ends up in the White House?

"I got a good one - dumbass stumbles into an on-line forum, talks shit, tells someone to 'make me'. That someone does. That's funny!" - drunkard
W: Sensei and Karate Kid had short lives at The Forum. The sad part is, we're almost certain that whoever was running the controls for them was also a forum regular, and ended up getting their IP banned. Bye-bye, dumbass. Whoever you were...

"I would just like to remind you that everybody is welcome in the Heathen Room. We are currently discussing threesomes and killing dogs. Swearing is definitely allowed, but might not match the four letter words you religious folks are posting in here. If pastors are not allowed to cuss then neither are teachers...Fuck." - Phat Endy

"Is a bum happy or pissed when you give him your left over spicy Thai food?" - KCPowercat

"Just give him (a bum) the 'will work for water' sign." - Hoosier Dan

"When encountering a bum outside a restaurant I've just left, I like to open my carry-out container and start eating the food right there in front of them. I even declare loudly, 'mmmm, boy! This food sure is good. And I'm not even hungry! I'm sure glad I have a job that pays me so I can eat so well'. This will serve as positive reinforcement to the bum that life is better if you're not a bum." - Soylent Green

"I have to admit it. I needed a can of skoal and didn't have the money, so I sold half of my interest in kcforum.net to Todd (Leabo). We had both signed non disclosure statements about it, but you know bulldog Greg Hall somehow found out. It's out there now and I take full responsibility for it." - combine_billy

"Pete LaCock....that dude was just dirty. Not vulgar, just dirty...like he hadn't taken a bath for weeks." - Real Stonie

"Isn't the Velvet Lounge okay for that, Paint? I don't go to the Naked Celeb Thread anymore for fear of getting puked on." - westmar
W: Someone told me I should use this quote. Heck, I had forgotten I'd even posted it.

"Westmar, you have once agained proved your brilliance. I know I don't deserve the top ranking this week, but I can live with #2. BTW, just let me know when you get back in town and I will fire up the grill and buy some Corona."- CDUBB
W: I am so spoiled...not by CDUBB, but by the fact that my I can afford to drink over-priced, imported beer all the time at home.

"You, sir, are a 'Jingle-Mar Power Ranking Whore'. Have you no shame? Prostituting yourself out for fame and fortune? I realize the allure of the spotlight foisted upon those who capture the top ranking is hard to resist, but the price one has to pay to reach the pinnacle of success is far too high. You need to join me at the next meeting of JMPRWA ('Jingle-Mar Power Ranking Whores Anonymous') . I'll be your sponsor. I can hear it now . . . 'Hi. I'm CDUBB. And I'm a Jingle-Mar Power Ranking Whore.' 'Hi, CDUBB'." - Leawood John
W: Talk about "prostituting" one's self. After this week's "could it be any MORE obvious" pimping of the KC Sports Page, is it kosher for us to start posting about LJ in a more "direct" manner? By the way, I killed THAT thread, too. I need to join T.K.A. - Thread Killers Anonymous. I seriously have a problem, and it was out of control this week again.

"John Landsberg is a dork. You (Leawood John) should separate yourself from his friendship." - Twisted Steel

"I generally nail ugly hookers instead of high priced call girls. It saves money and they are more open to fis...nevermind." - CDUBB

"If it makes you feel any better my 7 month old is already putting his balls on the chins of his cousin's female dolls. Atta boy." - Phat Endy

"I've been finding gum under desks and park benches and chewing it, instead of paying outragous convenience store prices." - JayhawkChris

"I'll never forget the way he (Hot Carl) wrinkled his nose as he chomped down hawkchief's feces." - Real Stonie
W: Thanks for the vivid imagery, Stonie/J-Chris/Endy/CDUBB. ***Raaaaalph***

THE KCFORUM POSTER POWER RANKINGS

1. (3) Phat Endy
2. (2) CDUBB
3. (1) pell
4. (4) Real Stonie
5. (5) catkins
6. (6) Footys
7. (7) Karupt
8. (12) Twisted Steel
9. (8) HuskerBen
10.(10) Intense one
11.(9) FrankWhite4Ever
12.(14) Leawood John
13.(11) Bubba Clyde
14.(15) JayhawkChris
15.(16) Soylent Green
16.(17) frankentiger
17.(18) WILDCAT NATION
18.(19) AusSteveW
19.(22) bmanpoo
20.(20) j.lo
21.(21) I-Hawk
22.(25) BobbyD
23.(23) Stugats
24.(26) JB
25.(24) KC Mouth
26.(27) A-Train
27.(28) shotgun naked
28.(30) MC86
29.(29) O&A Army
30.(33) lawgeek
31.(31) kcjrbean1
32.(32) Paintman
33.(35) KCPowercat
34.(34) Master P
35. NEW Drunkard
36.(37) Hoosier Dan
37.(38) Colonel Klink
38.(39) Rancho Relaxo
39. NEW Battle Cat
40.(40) Sully75


Drops: hawkchief, Hot Carl

Debuts: Battle Cat, Drunkard

Move of the week: Twisted Steel

Fall of the week: three-way tie

Just missed the chart: KC Paul

I apologize for the update delay. I've been very busy. Worse yet, due to technical difficulties I was forced to re-type most of these quotes instead of using the usual copy and paste method. I guess it just goes to show how much I care about you people. It would've been very easy to just say "screw it" and go on vacation, leaving you for another week or two without an update.

In FORUM news, Hot Carl has committed suicide...or...whatever you wanna call it. My Greg Hall-like "anonymous sources" tell me that an incarnation may be appearing soon. Or would that be a RE-incarnation? Footys? Help please?

Please take note that I was recently crowned as Moderator of the Music forum. Thanks to Paint for this honorable opportunity. A couple of thoughts...after skimming the Moderators' forum for the first time, I instinctively began to pull quotes for the Best Of site. Some of the stuff that is said in there puts these regular quotes to shame. But alas, I realized what I was doing...and there will be no quotes on the Best Of site from the Mod forum. What's said in the Mod forum, should stay in the Mod forum. It sure is funny, though. And now that I'm a Mod I don't have to worry about clicking on a post from the front page/portal and realizing that I don't have access to it because it's in the Mod forum.

Finally, if you didn't get a chance to read Twisted Steel's poem "Twas The Night Before The Chiefs Draft Day", you should check it out in the NFL forum. It's amazing what we can come up with when we're board, isn't it? Afterall, that's how I got myself mixed up with this site.


Westmar's Best Of KCFORUM.NET - 27th Edition

"My wife is a total MILF. Not because she is blazing hot or anything. I would just like to be able to f*** her every once and a while." - Phat Endy
W: Amen. Wait a minute. That sounded wrong. I mean...oh forget it.

"This guy is usually in upper management. He’s always telling people to “shoot him an email” or “why don’t you shoot Pam an email and let her know what’s going on” Hey coach, why don’t you go shoot yourself in the dick?!? Apparently this guy thinks the word “send” is too vanilla so he felt the need to insert “shoot” to try to jazz it up a bit. Thanks, striker." - catkins

"You gotta be shittin me...My wife just called me and said that she got a note from the school that my kid had recess cancelled today because a mountain lion was reported in the neighborhood....I'm supposed to coach soccer toonight up at the school, but now what do I do? I've cancelled for rain & tornadoes before...but this? 'Excuse me Mrs. X but were not having practice tonight because I don't want little Johnny to get mutilated by a mountain lion...' That ought to go over well." - Bubba Clyde

"Putting a mountain lion on the field would be about the only way to make soccer exciting." - Footys

"Have practice...use your right given by the founding fathers to carry a gun. Survival of the fittest, if the cat happens to cull the pack and get a fat kid, so be it." - Master P

"Remember Bubba, you don't have to out run the mountain lion, only the slowest kid." - Beavis

"Wit and insight? Why on Earth are you asking him (Wolverine Willie) to try something new?" - westmar

"If I didn't wear socks when I mowed, I could leave my shoes out in the garage and still smell them from the opposite corner of the house." - bmanpoo

"Do all bike pedelers have sissy names? Your name isn't Pat or Carmen is it?" - Twisted Steel

"...but I did order some free samples (+ shipping and handling) of an amazing pill that will increase my size by a whopping 33%. That will be worth it when the wife sees that massive 6"er coming her way." - Stromyle

"I don't think she (Billy's Norwegian exchange student) ever met a boy she wouldn't bang. Those peckerwood host parents on The Simple Life didn't have anything on us." - combine billy
W: This begs the question: How would my life had been different if my family had taken on a foreign exchange student?

"Oh you should have seen CDUBB at the friday evening happy hour. Poor Westy had to drag CDUBB out the door with him when he left, 'casue DUBB was hanging on his leg. He wouldn't let Westy leave the bar until he promised him he would come over and let DUBB cook for him, etc. Pretty pathetic, but hey! It got him a #1 spot." - catkins
W: I can't deny most of this.

"Wait a minute, isn't one of the lines in the song: 'I'll be where the eagle's flying higher and higher...' I thought Manning was on the Giants, not Philly!!! Although, he is a 'man in motion'..." - KC Mouth

"Radio sucks. Music radio that is. We all know sports radio is perfect." - frankentiger

"But the joint (KCFORUM) is getting big enough to diversify a bit. If the new rooms suck...they'll get dumped. Like one college chick to the other...just experimenting today." - Paintman

"I've called in sick for lots of reasons in the past, but if anybody called in sick so they can post on this forum that would probably earn them title of hugest bag-o-douche ever." - Phat Endy
W: To my credit (and geekiness), I can honestly say I've never called in sick to work for any reason other than the fact that I was sick.

"I'm starting to get creeped out at having a conversation with you (westmar) in a thread about jerking off at work. This will be my last post." - Twisted Steel
W: This was a particularly disturbing experience. And a complete accident.

"I think we need SBTB Queen to post some tasteful pictures of herself on here so we can clear this matter up. Sincerely...lonely guy who likes to masturbate at work." - catkins

"(KC) Paul, I agree with you that wide receiver is a need position. I also agree that Johnnie Morton had more balls slip through his hands this season than a post game locker room celebration in major league soccer." - Intense one

"But is it (the word "jingle-ass") applied improperly? I mean, calling someone who ridicules the fine art of scrap-booking a 'jingle-ass', well, that doesn't seem to be right." - Rancho Relaxo

"I would have been there but I was busy changing out a bunch of bearings in my soybean drill, cleaning the wheat out of the drill, changing the oil/filter in my wife's lawn mower, loaded out a load of corn, washed my four wheeler, went mushroom hunting, planned my high school reunion, sold a pickup, re-arranged my machine shed, and took a dump. Scrapbooking was the next thing on my list of things to do...darn..." - combine_billy
W: And I'm left scratching my head wondering how I can convince my wife that she needs her own lawn mower.

"No wonder it's not updated this week (Best Of site). Last week was the lamest week ever in my recollection. I suspect you (westmar) would have to drop everyone out of your Top 40 for the week." - drunkard

"Hawkschief is right. Westy's not updating his site because you candy-asses aren't giving him any quality material. As soon as I get a new job I'll be right back to abusing company policy." - Hot Carl
W: Or it could be that I'm just really busy. Or lazy...

"More than 90 percent of the season remains. I understand the concern guys, but Anderson isn't going to stink all year, Maddux isn't going to stink all year, A-Rod isn't going to stink all year, the Orioles aren't going to have the third best ERA in the league all year, and Dusty Baker isn't going to let his starters throw 130 pitches a game all year. Well, everything but that last clause." - Footys
W: Good ole Crusty Baker. If he's a legitimate Major League manager, there's still hope for Bob Boone.

"I think Manning was totally over-rated. But he did stick around in the NBA for a few years."- bmanpoo

THE KCFORUM POSTER POWER RANKINGS

1. (2) pell
2. (1) CDUBB
3. (4) Phat Endy
4. (3) Real Stonie
5. (7) catkins
6. (6) Footys
7. (5) Karupt
8.(10) HuskerBen
9. (9) FrankWhite4Ever
10.(12) Intense one
11.(11) Bubba Clyde
12.(14) Twisted Steel
13. (8) Hot Carl
14.(13) Leawood John
15.(16) JayhawkChris
16.(15) Soylent Green
17.(19) frankentiger
18.(18) WILDCAT NATION
19.(20) AusSteveW
20.(21) j.lo
21.(22) I-Hawk
22.(23) bmanpoo
23.(17) Stugats
24.(26) KC Mouth
25.(25) BobbyD
26.(28) JB
27.(27) A-Train
28.(29) shotgun naked
29.(30) O&A Army
30.(34) MC86
31.(24) kcjrbean1
32.(32) Paintman
33.(33) lawgeek
34.(35) Master P
35.(31) KCPowercat
36.(36) hawkchief
37.(38) Hoosier Dan
38.(37) Colonel Klink
39.(39) Rancho Relaxo
40.NEW Sully75

Drops: Husker Z

Debuts: Sully75

Move of the week: MC86

Fall of the week: kcjrbean1