Hello all!

Westmar's Best of KCFORUM.net site is no longer active due to his laziness and the boring activity at KCFORUM.net.

If you'd like to hear more from Westmar, check him out on internet radio with The Wild Wild Westmar Show here:

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Westmar's Top Albums of 2004

1. Orphus – MAP OF HAWAII
Fave Song (3-way tie) - "Facts Of Life", "Cold Cocktail Smile", "Two-Legged Wreckin' Machine"
More than thirty years ago we had Dr. Hook & The Medicine Show. Now we have Orphus!

2. The Warren Brothers – WELL-DESERVED OBSCURITY
Fave Song - "Sell A lot Of Beer"
Once a mainstream country duo, The WB's (out of Tampa, FL) are actually more rock than country.

3. Rick Springfield - SHOCK/DENIAL/ANGER/ACCEPTANCE
Fave Song - "Wasted"
Make fun of me all you want, but RS has far more talent as a songwriter than most people realize. This album is arguably his best ever. It's also his heaviest.

4. Velvet Revolver – CONTRABAND
Fave Song - "Do It For The Kids"
When this album first came out, I was highly skeptical. Thankfully, Scott Wieland's voice no longer resembles a Pearl Jam cover band. I am surprisingly pleased with this disc.

5. Big & Rich - HORSE OF A DIFFERENT COLOR
Fave Song - "Save A Horse, Ride A Cowboy"
Music without prejudice. Mixing rock, country, and dance in an original way. Not only are these guys talented, they're funny as hell and they party a lot. Again...not your average, mainstream country duo.

6. Bayside – SIRENS AND CONDOLENCES
Fave Song - "Phone Call From Poland"
This was my first review of 2004 for Horrorwood Babble-On. College/Indie Rock that is sure to please those who like catchy, uptempo tunes.

7. Butch Walker – LETTERS
Fave Song - "Lights Out"
Butch's second solo album is unfortunately a mere shadow of his former band, Marvelous 3. Although this is a frighteningly soft record, I have to give Walker his props as a lyricist, vocalist, and producer.

8. Gene Simmons – ASSHOLE
Fave Song - "Asshole"
Talk about an artist whose music is "all over the place". There are some good, fun tunes on here. And there's some fairly bad ones, too. Thank God for the title track - which by the way was NOT written by Simmons.

9. Amplified Heat – IN FOR SIN
Fave Song - "Wagon Wheel"
An interesting cross of blues and hard rock/metal. The song "Wagon Wheel" actually reminds me of Motorhead.

10. King’s X – LIVE ALL OVER THE PLACE
Fave Song - "Mississippi Moon"
A nifty 2-CD collection of many King's X tunes.

Just missed the cut:
Neil Young - GREATEST HITS

2003/2004 Crossovers:
Jet – GET BORN
The Darkness – PERMISSION TO LAND
Gavin DeGraw - CHARIOT

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Westmar's Best Of 2004 at KCFORUM.net
Here is it, kiddies. The best of the best in 2004...


"They haven't even plowed my street, and it took me three attempts to get up the hill outside my house. My reward? Getting stuck on another, longer hill on the way to 291. I gave it the finger, turned around, and went home." - Rancho Relaxo
W: Bad weather makes us do strange things, doesn't it?

"This just in, Olathe has 11"...and Gary Lezak has been asking around trying to find out more about this 'Olathe' character..." - MC86
W: MC86 rarely comes up with a good one. This was his best (and only) one of 2004.

"Hey Westmar...I just read your update - If you were on the Grammys you would've heard the wrap it up music." - dafella

"I enjoyed BBB's insights. You need to offer Bucky more respect! How many of you actually walked with Moses in the Sinai?" - Wolverine Willie

"Bout damn time I made it back in the ('Best Of' site) update. I was starting to feel like Wolverine Willie at a Rainbow Coalition fund raiser with Corky as the guest speaker." - Karupt

"Please tell Kevin (Kietzman) and Chad (Boeger) that whenever they get around to returning some emails I sent them in 1998 that would be great." - Stugats

"It takes a special kind of person to be on staff in the forum. Not just any geek off the street can be a mod."- CDUBB

"The only thing Westy's figured on this board is how to kill a thread."- hawkchief

"It's difficult for me to read anything JW writes. I keep visualizing him sitting there like Jabba the Hut and hearing that adenoidal voice of his." - Faxmebeers
W: All year long I tried and tried to remember who had coined JW's voice as "adenoidal". Little did I know, the answer was sitting on the Best Of site in the entire time.

"Faxmequeers, I need a #6 with just mayo and a regular coke. And biggie size that (just tell KCPaul behind the counter, he'll know what to do). Then go to the nearest convenience store and pick me up some high quality skin-rags and a 40 of Miller (shut the fug up, haters...it's the Champagne of Beers!). Now deliver all that to me, PRONTO!! See if you can beat Catkins' record. He had all this shit to me in 14 minutes and 8 seconds, setting a newbie record that still stands. That, my friend, is why he's now a Hall of Famer."- Hot Carl
W: It really IS the Champagne Of Beers, folks!

"I've had this happen before. At first you're pushing like hell and thinking 'please get out of my ass you fuggin turd!' Then when it starts to happen and it's ripping your ass open, you're like 'Oh sweet lord please STOP!!'. But it's too late and this horrible monster is ripping away. Once the bowels are set into motion it becomes an involuntary muscle reaction. I was at my folks house when it happened to me and my mom was pounding on the door going 'are you allright?' No joke, I was screaming like I had broke my leg. I had to break the sum bitch up with a shovel so it would go down the toilet. I bet you could've shoved a coke can up my ass after that mess." - catkins
W: If catkins had known the implications ahead of time, do you think he would've clicked "Post Reply"?

"Catkins puts a new meaning to 'Have a coke and a smile'." - Twisted Steel

"Holy shit! Stro's posted a curse word now twice in the last few days and is requesting some soft-core porn! Maybe there is hope for him afterall!" - shotgun naked
W: Whatever happened to shotgun naked? Probably off suckin' some Milk Duds.

"I'm with you Bubba. If MU loses let's agree to kill ourselves. When the game ends hang yourself, then I will U2U you. If you don't reply I will really consider it." - Leawood John

"Tired of waiting for Westy Updates? Check out this: Phat Endy's Westmar is Too Damn Slow Site. It's not updated yet." - Phat Endy
W: In case you missed it, here's the link: http://phatendy.blogspot.com.
Be sure to take note of the first quote Endy used.

"If Westy's going on double secret probation, we'll need to get a replacement for him. How's this for an advertisement? JOB OPPORTUNITY: The members of kcforum.net are looking for a temporary replacement for a forum member currently shirking his duties as the lead historian and librarian of witty, clever and/or other noteworthy forum quotes. Applicants must have extensive time on their hands and an ability to massage the massive egos of internet forum nerds who find themselves to be far more amusing than they really are. Applicants must also be able to interpret and decipher grammatically egregious posts by drunken losers. No pay . . . no benefits . . . just the pride of knowing you are memorializing the wasted time of others for all eternity." - lawgeek

"Pictures would help. We sure as hell can't masturbate to the 'witty' comments you guys make in here!" - SBTB Queen
W: Sigh

"I just glanced to see how many people were in the chatroom. It said '1'. I bet THAT'S an interesting conversation...I was going to start a thread this AM asking everyone what they thought Footys was doing in the chatroom alone all the time." - westmar
W: And thus, Footys and the "(1)" was born.

"Why the hell would anyone read a book after discovering this site?" - BobbyD
W: Unless it was a book ABOUT this site.

"That's not a fuggin' update...that's the incomprehensible ramblings of a madman. I think your site is called 'Best of KCForum.net', not 'Here's the shit that Westy REALLY thinks about all the time.' Geez..." - Hot Carl
W: Guilty as charged...several times in 2004.

"I got an idea, O&A. Just pour all your beers right down the toilet or in the parking lot and skip the middle man!" - Hoosier Dan

"New schoolers throw up to make more room for beer!" - frankentiger

"I noticed in the picture that O&A's hotdog has hardly been chewed. He probably could have put it on a bun with some mustard and ate it a second time." - Hot Carl

"Edie's (from The Sopranos) got a big fat ass. You'll see 20 better asses the next time you go to Super Target. (but make sure it's a Super Target because I don't want you coming back from some regular target and crying about how you only saw 6)." - Footys

"Homeless people are just salespeople. They are selling YOU to give them your money. I wish I could tell my customers to fuck off on a daily basis, yet still survive." - Master P
W: You can if you live in New York.

"No problem. I am having to 'BobbyD' it for folks all the time. Another phrase for the forum dictionary: 'BobbyD' (verb) to summarize every 2 pages for those with short memories and shorter attention spans." - O&A Army
W: The world may be coming to an end if we have to give O&A credit for this term.

"FUCJK THIS PLACE. You know i got on to this because my freind said that it was good net working, but come to find out it's just a bunch of fucking kids that won't help. Well this is a fuck up place when you can't even get help from fello kc people you fucking people suck, i will never comeback. And if you post here because you think that your witty, stop think to your self, hmmmmmmmmmmmm i love sucking cock and typing on the form. Let's see what my freind say,s next o wait i could just call the person everybody in here go f your self. BITCHES." -thelawwon
W: Another highlight in 2004. If you ever wondered where "Fucjk" came from...now you know. The classic meltdown of thelawwon.

"Guys, I have a quick question...seriously! My girlfriend keeps wanting me to let her stick her dildo up my butt. WTF!?! I said no way but she swears I will like it. Anyone have any experience with this? Feel free to flip me shit but I need some real answers. I'm leaning towards letting her do it." - KC Kid (played by Hot Carl/hawkchief)

"Rule number 1 when you go out to get lunch...always log off your computer so the fuck sticks you work with (hawkchief & Hot Carl) don't post bullshit for everybody else to enjoy." - KC Kid (played by himself)

"But the joint (KCFORUM) is getting big enough to diversify a bit. If the new rooms suck...they'll get dumped. Like one college chick to the other...just experimenting today." - Paintman

"MC86 is so full of shit tonight, if he took an ex-lax he'd disappear." - Intense one

"When he (Whitlock) wears that yellow suit on the Sports Reporters I almost expect the other journalists to rise off the floor and orbit him." - Phat Endy

"People in general are idiots." - KCPowercat
W: BALEE DAT!

"Sheri is a cutie. I wonder if she has any nude pics up anywhere to show her carpet matches the drapes." - HuskerBen

"I have to admit it. I needed a can of skoal and didn't have the money, so I sold half of my interest in kcforum.net to Todd (Leabo). We had both signed non disclosure statements about it, but you know bulldog Greg Hall somehow found out. It's out there now and I take full responsibility for it." - combine_billy

"Does anyone else get a picture in their mind of Hipity eventually chained up in BLB's basement wearing a leather mask with chicken feathers poking outta his ass. A soccer ball positioned 4 feet away from him with a three foot length of chain secured to a studded dog collar around his neck and eventually choking himself to death as he insistently tries to bend it like Beckham?" -JayhawkChris

"John Landsberg is a dork. You (Leawood John) should separate yourself from his friendship." - Twisted Steel

"I generally nail ugly hookers instead of high priced call girls. It saves money and they are more open to fis...nevermind." - CDUBB

"My wife is a total MILF. Not because she is blazing hot or anything. I would just like to be able to f*** her every once and a while." - Phat Endy

"...but I did order some free samples (+ shipping and handling) of an amazing pill that will increase my size by a whopping 33%. That will be worth it when the wife sees that massive 6"er coming her way." - Stromyle

"I f***ed the chick in Hanson." - bmanpoo

"So I did (read Endy's thread about Battle Cat) and it was, by far, a fine fine body of work. I actually got rather moist. Dr. Endy should be mighty proud." - just mary
W: Anyone else miss just mary? She's been MIA for nearly 2 months.

"You (NickOrange) may just fit in here after all. Not to mention pell will love you because you are both tree huggin liberal pee pee patters." - CDUBB

"There's no better way to take a shit in bin Laden's mouth than to open a McDonald's in every corner of the Radical Theocratic Arab world." - Soylent Green

"...anyone who really knows Westmar knows he does his absolute best work in the music forum." - pell
W: It's good to know that pell doesn't let the crap I give him on a weekly basis get in his way of recognizing greatness.

"There is a bias in the media, but it ain't liberal, it's incompetence and laziness." - Maxtastic

"Well then, in the future, you need to stick to menu choices #1 or #2 that I listed...they go great with Super size chili cheese tots. If you eat this shit, you don't have to worry about getting fat...you'll be dead soon." - WILDCAT NATION

"Endy, thanks for the pictures, my man. I haven't jacked off this much in ages. My monitor looks like the back of a seat at the Old Chelsea Theatre." - catkins

"Twisted get in here and straighten out your sportsnut." - chiefsfarmteam

"He's (bmanpoo) really only 26, but he rides his bike in sandstorms." - Real Stonie

"Yes, but moving forward does mean a lot. I just printed off this week's standings (Poster Power Rankings) and am having my wife put it in my kcforum scrapbook." - Karupt

"...last night, I offered to show her my 'gavel'. She sustained her own objection to that one. Keep in mind though that this is the same women who, after I adopted Pell's BRILLIANT strategy of tying a bow around my equipment and presenting it to my wife for Christmas, said, 'can I return it?'" - lawgeek

"I went to the Missouri Driver's License Bureau and said 'Grunny sent me'! They suspended my license." - Colonel Klink

"My 4-year old daughter had to pee really bad Sat. night so I held her in a parking lot by the car so she could go. Next thing I know, she says, 'now I'm going to poop, Mom.' I thought for sure she was going to sh*t on my feet! Needless to say, we hurried inside." - KCSportsnut

"Careful BLB, when Hipity says he's bringing a gun, it's not what you think it means." - Phat Endy

"No one dominates a pole quite like Hipity...doesn't matter if it is his or someone elses." -Fiberoptician

"Yeah now that we (KCFORUM) have been mentioned in The Pitch this place will become a gay hook up chat room." - CDUBB

"Butt hair is now being used by truckers as 'grip handles'." - Real Stonie

"I like the moves. They (Royals) actually addressed some needs. Had Carl Peterson and Dick Vermeil been in charge of the trade, the Royals would have ended up with 2 more first baseman and another shortstop." - Intense one

"Westmar needs to know that when we stop bitching we stop caring. Hot Carl cares so much." - Twisted Steel

"I'm surprised I'm the first openly gay man here. I thought it seemed like a pretty cool place where just about anything goes. I mean it's called the Terror Dome for god's sake." - maxallen
W: Thanks to maxallen coming out of The Forum Closet, I now feel guilty everytime I make a "homosexual-like" comment. Recently, I have found myself adding a "no offense to maxallen" after these posts.

"Any (softball) league where they expect you to actually slide is stupid. We've had some guys fall down, but that's as close to sliding as we come." - Husker Z

In my (softball) league, if there is a play at the plate, someone made a big mistake." - MC86

"What...you aren't as excited about the prospect of Charlie Steiner and Bob Ley?! Now if they could only bring Tom Mees back...THAT would be something!" - pell

"If I selected music for the political views of the artists performing, everything I listen to would suck. These guys make a living smoking weed, playing guitar, and banging groupies. If you vote according to what this group of people say I question your intelligence" - iplayoutside

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More from 2004 that never appeared here due to the Best Of site LOCKOUT

"This thread would make Stevie Wonder's eyes bleed." - toilet fish

"(Chad Boeger is) so far up Brett's ass he can almost see Frank Boal." - Celticfan

"JRJ (Jim Rome JR.) outkicked the hell out of his coverage, well done biatch." - slim shady

"As far as the media, hey don't lump me in with them. I never claimed to be legitimate." -Leawood John

"One station has a guy in the mental ward and the other in jail. This one is too close to call." -Karupt

"I made a grilled cheese sandwich today for lunch and the sandwich looked like the spitting image of Dan and TT making out. I'm selling it on ebay..." - catkins

"If Katie Horner wants to really help the citizens of KC, she needs to get away from being on her back all the time and come over and shovel the rest of my driveway..." - GorillaHawk364

"It's sunny and 74 in New Orleans. 100% chance of overnight drunkenness." - nomototo
W: I truly love The Big Easy.

"Levitra, for when it counts? Levitra for a stonger longer lasting ...? I thought selling sex was a bad thing during football games. Where are all those pissed off bible thumpers that were bitching about Monday night and T.O. hanging out with some skank? Aren't their kids watching games right now?" - bwoods
W: This was without a doubt the best point bwoods made all season long in his Game-Day Chiefs threads.

"You forgot that Jeff George was signed by the Bears...He and JW have been shower buddies for years...This will be the hottest topic on his show. He also will be seriously pimping his book. Hope it comes with crayons." - Leawood John

"Here's the difference...Priest Holmes gets hurt and eats nachos. Juan-Gone would get hurt eating nachos." - Intense one

"Speaking of tapeworms, I have always wanted to try and get a fad diet started using tapeworms. Think about it, eat all you want, the tapeworm takes care of it for you. (The) FDA never really approved it for some reason." - KCPowercat
W: After all the booze and food I went through during the holidays, I could sure use that tapeworm right now.

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HAVE YOU SEEN THIS MAN?

Once a driving force behind the KCFORUM.net "new schoolers", this man soon fell into a world of darkness after his campaign to become president failed miserably. It wasn't long before everyone was asking: "Where's hawkchief? Is he off sucking #$%*?" To this day, we can only assume he is. If you see this man or notice that he is posting on other forums, please contact his (allegedly) heterosexual roommate, Tito Man Tito, at...
1-800-55-WGARA.

Well, Forum Bowl I was a success. A big thanks to Intense one for organizing it and to Sin Sister for tending medically to the wounded and grabbing extra beer for the drunks. It's also imperative that we give big props to O&A Army for providing us with free wings and celery (yes, celery) at Hooters for our postgame party. You are still "The Greatest", pal.

For those of you who did not attend, you really missed out on a good time. I had the privilege to meet KCPowercat, MC86, bmanpoo, and KC Paul for the first time. Believe it or not, they're all good guys. Yes, even KC Paul. I mean, give the guy credit. After all this time and all the heat he has taken on The Forum, he finally decided to show up for a forum event...to play FOOTBALL of all things! Paulie assures me this will not be his last forum event. That's good to hear. The more the merrier as far as I'm concerned.

In addition, this was also Rancho Relaxo's first forum event and a rare appearance for Bubba Clyde. Everyone faired well - no one died, no one puked. Granted, CDUBB accidentally got concussed by HuskerBen's knee and had to leave the game. But we're kind of glad it happened because it gave those of us on team Jingle-Ass an excuse for losing to the Butthooks by a final score of 42-35.

If you're interested in hearing a few interviews from the game, check out the sound clip page here: http://westmar3.tripod.com/id17.htm

Note: My apologies. The link above to the soundclips is currently not working because Tripod is a cheap-ass, piece-of-crap service. They're almost as bad as blogger.com...almost...but not quite. I will try to find an alternative method for sharing these clips as soon as possible. Thank you for your patience, kidz.

***

The outrage this week against Monday Night Football's sexy pregame promo was just another fine example of how clueless some Americans are. Apparently these dumbasses haven't been watching anything but MNF for the last ten years because there are far worse things being shown on network television these days - and earlier than 8PM, too!

The only thing I'm wondering is...wouldn't it have been a better promo if Terrell Owens ignores Sheridan's barenaked body and continues making his way to the game? I mean, are you trying to promote the game or are you trying to tell people to have sex instead? Hello?! It makes me wonder how the public would've reacted had Owens NOT implied he was about to bump uglies with Nicollette Sheridan. Ah, screw it! They still would've bitched about "the nudity that wasn't really nudity".

***

Here are a couple of other interesting things to note from KCFORUM over the past week or so.

Frankentiger's response to a new reality television series: Extreme Weddings
"Why do I envision (Trevortime's) & (Hoosier)Dan's wedding with...
Twisted doing a dollar midget toss instead of dollar dance.
O&A throwing up cake and cheap punch
I.O. busting a chair over someone
Westy acting as d.j.
Blew Lew getting him drinks
Chelle leading prayers - over sullygal's objections that they're not the right prayer, then Dan yelling at both of them that he doesn't want any prayers
Stro, pell, and several others out the back door lighting the ceremonial wedding bong MasterP's wife crapping on the phone in the kitchen
Sportsnut taking terrible pictures
L.J. talking how it would be a better party without "W" as president
MC86, catkins, and CDUBB in a corner fighting.
And BJMIKE sitting in a corner making fun of everyone for showing up to a 'forum event' "

***

It's always amusing to keep an eye on the KCFORUM exchanges between Leawood John and Karupt. Sure, sometimes Karupt takes things overboard. But at least his points make logical sense most of the time. Leawood John, on the other hand, is about as zaney as a person can get. He tends to feel so strongly about things that he often forgets to take a step back and listen to what he is saying/read what he is posting. This past week he was adamant that a Marine who had shot a wounded Iraqi insurgent was wrong. After L.J. dropped hints of his own "military experience", Karupt fired back a signature response:

"LJ is this what you learned during your post bootcamp training?

This is my Spatula. There are many like it, but this one is mine.

My Spatula is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life.

My Spatula, without me, is useless. Without my Spatula, I am useless. I must flip my Spatula true. I must flip straighter than my enemy who is trying to out cook me. I must serve him before he serves me. I WILL...

My Spatula and myself know that what counts in this war is not the burgers we cook over fire, the Diarrhea burst, nor the smoke we make. We know that it is the cooks that count. WE WILL COOK...

My Spatula is human, even as I, because it is my life. Thus, I will learn it as a brother. I will learn its weaknesses, its strength, its parts, its accessories, its handle and its scratch proof resistance. I will ever guard it against the ravages of grease and stains as I will ever guard my legs, my arms, my eyes and my heart against damage. I will keep my Spatula clean and ready. We will become part of each other. WE WILL...

Before God, I swear this creed. My Spatula and myself are the defenders of my country. We are the masters of our Hamburger. WE ARE THE SAVIORS OF MY LIFE.
So be it, until dinner is served and there is no leftovers, but beats!"

Leawood John went on to claim that his specialty in the service was "military intelligence". I find this difficult to believe. So does Karupt. Read on:

"Obviously deadly force is a completely new thing for you. Did you not attend OCS? There are three items mentioned in that that clearly give him the right to kill the terrorist. If you can't see that either you didn't take the time to read it or once again you are more Taliban than American.

Either way your constant siding with the enemy makes me have real doubts about anything that you say regarding the military now or your 'past' involvement in the armed services.
To think that a guy that was allegedly serving during the Vietnam war has this little knowledge of combat, military laws and the Geneva convention...you have to be kidding."

As goofy as Leawood John's political views are, it should come as no surprise to us that he "tries" to keep his true identity/real name a secret while posting on KCFORUM.net.

Here you go, smartasses - this week's version of an "update". Be sure to check out the audio clips of KCsportsnut and Twisted Steel's voicemails to me this weekend from New Orleans. They're listed below...unfortunately, they've been posted out of order. Nut's actually took place first on Saturday afternoon and Twisted's on Saturday evening. I apologize for the poor quality. I even did a sloppy job of bleeping out their F-bombs. Oh well.

And now for a special look at KCFORUM.net...

Remember when...

Wolverine Willie's schtick wasn't the same ole-same ole?
Buckybadgersbrother wasn't a total prick?
Catkins was a newbie getting bitch slapped by anyone and everyone?
Phat Endy decided to quit posting smack?
Stromyle told us his personal views on porn?
O&A Army puked up an unchewed braut in the parking lot at the K?
Paintman posted regularly?
Due to his posts as a newbie, we thought Leawood John was a teenage boy?
Hawkchief ran for President?
Hot Carl actually found Hipity amusing?
Pell posted for the very first time?
CDUBB didn't have near as many posts as Pell?
We didn't know Twisted Steel and KCsportsnut were roomates?
bmanpoo treated some forum members to free Boulevard beer?
BobbyD wasn't asking us to "BobbyD" threads for him?
Shotgun Naked changed his name to Drunkard?
Footys' avatar was a masturbating stickman?
Karupt actually caught a commie?
We found out just how harmless Hoosier Dan really is?
Real Stonie was always threatening to kick someone's azz?
Westmar had his own KCFORUM internet radio show?
Battle Cat was quoted in The Pitch?
Triplow was believed to be Joe Aarons?
Lawgeek's avatar wasn't a T.V. lawyer?
Bubba Clyde penned "KCFORUM.net: A Who's Who for Dummies?"
Bwoods would produce an 8 page Chiefs Thread every Sunday afternoon?
Kevin Kietzman planted a big kiss on Hot Carl?
KC Paul was our spastic Board Bitch?
Intense one wasn't thinking about drinking beer?
Whitlock would reply to threads instead of starting them and going away?
JB wasn't feeling left out of something?
MC86 would get drunk and start fights in the chat room?
KCPowercat and WILDCAT NATION weren't K-State fans?
Stugats was connected with underground gay wrestling?
Fiberoptician gave us more info than we needed?
ChicagoJeff lived in Chicago?
Rancho Relaxo had never celebrated a World Series victory?
I-Hawk didn't have a U of I logo for his avatar?
We didn't know Soylent Green's true identity?
BJMIKE couldn't decide which screen name to use?
KCTraci posted for the first and only time?
HuskerBen actually posted his thoughts on the Huskers?
*Tudge* was trying to hold a forum happy hour at Kemper?
Sully75 and Sullygal took their ball and bat and went home?
Colonel Klink wasn't getting worked up about something?
Master P wasn't married?
Frankentiger...I got nothin', brother. You need to do something memorable...soon!
Packer Backer was asked by Leabo why he had become a traitor and called 610 Sports?
DA STICK appeared in some Royals TV commercials?
FrankWhite4Ever was just an average baseball fan?
Hollywood Chuck Rogan was going on daily forum rampages?
A-TRAIN moved one of my threads to the WGARA room?
JayhawkChris and Beavis weren't big and bad enough to kill all of us with one sneeze?
Captsaveahoe used a pic of himself in a superhero outfit for an avatar?
Thelawwon fucjked his way right off the forum before becoming our new Board Bitch?
Sin Sister believed for certain that WarDrive was Kevin Kietzman?
Tito Man Tito actually posted? (Me neither)

Twisted Steel's call to Westmar:
November 13th, Saturday, 9:47 PM

KCsportsnut's call to Westmar:
November 13th, Saturday, 1:31 PM

It's here! It's here! The first update in over three months. Yes, I know you're excited...but please put your clothes back on. Instead, grab a cup of java and enjoy the quotes. Truth be told, many of them are from awhile back. But I think you'll enjoy them, regardless. Be sure to tell all of your friends about the update. Let's make this a record-breaking week for number of hits on the Best Of site.

Where have you been, Westmar? Well, I've been busy taking care of important things like work, life, husbandry (is that a word?), and the most important thing - ORPHUS! That's right, kiddies! Confused? Take a look at the link on the right. -------------------->

Finally, Happy Halloween and Happy Election Day to everyone. Obviously, some people are going to be very disappointed on the morning of November 3rd. But let's not forget the one thing that really matters - We're all Americans!


Westmar's Best Of KCFORUM.net - 36th Edition

"In order to establish yourself (as no longer being a newbie) you (noConscience) must post 894 times in three weeks just like Blue Lou Boyle. Then, BobbyD must change your post count so that it always equals a negative number. Speaking of numbers, you must give us your Social Security Number, just like Blue Lou." - catkins

"Please kill Miss Piggy next. I was having sex with her one night (and yes, it was consensual) and she had some sort of plastic gizmo in her nose that screwed my junk up pretty bad. I've never forgiven her for that. Leave Cookie Monster alone though." - Blue Lou Boyle

"Westmar is just another one of my alter egos." - CDUBB
W: It's true. Really.

"Westmar needs to know that when we stop bitching we stop caring. Hot Carl cares so much." - Twisted Steel
W: Or something like that, anyway.

"From what I've seen here in the forum, it's all about quality.. not quantity." - noConscience
W: Damn straight. If it was about quantity, do you think this site would be so damn popular?

"Were you born this way or did someone kick the jack out from under the car while you were chasing the cat?" - Real Stonie
W: And strangely enough I don't think Stonie was directing that post towards Hipity.

"Most n00bs die out after a week. Apparently BLB never got the memo." - Battle Cat
W: No, and he apparently never got the memo about physical threats, either. Ooops.

"If you just picked four random (KCFORUM.net) members and put their pictures on (a KCFORUM.net) billboard, there's a 90 percent chance it would look almost exactly like that 610 billboard on I-35." - Footys

"Nick(Orange), you would be a LEGEND if you could somehow figure out a way to post while you are plowing some drunk coed!" - CDUBB
W: I wonder how Nick's doing. We haven't heard much from him lately. He's probably so busy tappin' those hot, 20 year-old coeds that he hasn't had time to keep his forum brethern up-to-date. Guess I can't fault him for that, can I?

"Somebody spray some Lysol, because I smell a piece of shit in here!!!" - packer backer
W: This could be said about almost any thread, don't ya think?

"I'm surprised I'm the first openly gay man here. I thought it seemed like a pretty cool place where just about anything goes. I mean it's called the Terror Dome for god's sake." - maxallen
W: Hint: "Terror Dome" is an unofficial abbreviation for "Terror-fied of Homosexuals".

"Just give me your work phone number. I'll call you (catkins) & read all the threads to you." - drunkard
W: Poor catkins...he's now subjected to reading and responding during the day at lunch time in the library. Damn jobs! Who needs 'em?!

"Any (softball) league where they expect you to actually slide is stupid. We've had some guys fall down, but that's as close to sliding as we come." - Husker Z

"I think the demographics of this forum really represent what KC wants. Based on what I've read this week, there is no way in hell this arena will work in KC without a Red Lobster attached!" - Real Stonie

"VH1 wants to do a 'Where Are They Now' about CDUBB. Chances are he is now living in San Madesto and is gainfully employed in either the roofing or dry wall industry." - catkins
W: Sounds more like the mid to late 90's Randall Cunningham to me.

"Blue Lou hasn't logged off for 9 days waiting for Westy to return." - Phat Endy
W: Poor Blue Lou. While he does admit to causing his own demise at KCFORUM, I can't help but feel he got somewhat of an unfair shake.

"I noticed in the picture that O&A's hotdog has hardly been chewed. He probably could have put it on a bun with some mustard and ate it a second time." - Hot Carl
W: O&A? Who is this poster you speak of? Suppose I could make a trip to my local Hooters for some beer and breasts - of a chicken, of course. Come on, now...get your mind out of the Champagne Room!

"L freaking J. Long time no talk. Thank goodness!" - MC86
W: Leawood John: "The Most-Liked Hated Poster In KCFORUM History." Think about that one for a minute.

"By the way-I'd like to go to party cove, but there's just not time on my Sunday afternoon after spending most of the day whipping up on Real Stonie. Sometimes he slacks off on the yard work and needs a little lesson." - maxallen

"No one dominates a pole quite like Hipity...doesn't matter if it is his or someone elses." -Fiberoptician

"Maybe there should be a Newbie disclaimer somewhere on the site? 'Caution all Newbies: Prepare yourselves to receive all kinds of shit until one or more moderators decides otherwise. Possible hazings include being verbally dumped on, forced swims in bmanpoo's feces and innumerable comparisons to Hipity. And if you can't take the heat, then get the hell out of the Forum kitchen.' " - rain

"Strom (Stromyle), you've posted before about depression and suicide. I've been there. If you want to talk, U2U me. If not, then please keep it to yourself, and go blow your brains out." - Blue Lou Boyle
W: I love(d) both of these guys...because they REALLY use the "Risky Business" theory of posting: "Sometimes ya just gotta say 'WTF'."

"Beer is just a gateway drink to something better. RUM!!!!!!! Follow me into the LIGHT..." -bwoods
W: If you've never read bwoods's Sunday afternoon Chiefs threads...DON'T.

"Dude's (catkins) library pass is under evaluation. I guess they said he never returned the Jim J. Bullock Autobiography & Picture Book he checked out last year." - Real Stonie

"What...you aren't as excited about the prospect of Charlie Steiner and Bob Ley?! Now if they could only bring Tom Mees back...THAT would be something!" - pell
W: Hell, they "brought back" Babe Ruth during the A.L.C.S. with Dan Patrick...they coulda/shoulda done the same thing with Mees during "Old School Sportscenter".

"A (softball) league where you HAVE to slide into home if there is a play at the plate? Hell, you must play in CDUBB's league. Be sure to keep those Oakley Blades nice and dust free. In my league, if there is a play at the plate, someone made a big mistake." - MC86

"Never mind. All they are going to show is wimpy ass people being boiled inside of bronze bulls, Some pussies being put in a bag with monkeys and dogs, and then thrown into a river, some fairy ass thing called 'the rack', and a machine for torturing especially pussy ass bitch people called the 'iron maiden'. Not even a single word of the torture that occurs every year at Arrowhead." - Blue Lou Boyle

"OMG! I can't believe you guys have been holding this room (The Champagne Room) back from me all this time!!" - SBTB Queen
W: Sigh.

"Enterprise can take their million dollars, red shirts and KC sports fans will help them shove it up their butts!" - KCsportsnut
W: I rented a car in Denver from Enterprise in late August, after the arena proposal had passed. They sure did ask me a lot of questions about why I was in town from Kansas City, etc. How 'bout you shut up and give me a car with a cd player in it?

"lol...if you guys are going to limit yourself exclusively to acts in support of Dubya...the quality and variety of your music is going to be very lacking. But hey there's always the Grand Ole Opry and your worn out copy of Whitney Houston belting out the National Anthem. Enjoy your Freedom Fries, fellas." - pell

"If I selected music for the political views of the artists performing, everything I listen to would suck. These guys make a living smoking weed, playing guitar, and banging groupies. If you vote according to what this group of people say I question your intelligence" - iplayoutside
W: A very good point.

"As a huge Star Wars fan from 1977-1983 I'll definitely see it (new star wars movie), but George Lucas seems determined to turn the series into a space version of ISHTAR!" - Real Stonie

"I say 'no' to banning Stonie...I like having both MaxAllen and Stonie on this board to provide some diversity on how the "non-heterosexual" Americans view life." - Colonel Klink

"Of course Hipity would make my list but I'll be the first to admit that bashing on Hipity is like getting that first sip of coffee in the morning. It usually helps get me through the day." - Hot Carl
W: What did he just say about getting the first sip of Hipity in the morning?

"I just spit Mountain Dew Pitch Black all over my monitor. Not because it was that funny, but (because) MD sucks goat's ass." - Twisted Steel
W: You see what posting at work causes? It causes you to drink crap you normally wouldn't drink, just to get by. Speaking of...has anyone been able to get a hold of that new Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper? Local soft drink suppliers tell me it's very popular and hard to get a hold of right now.

As a final treat, I'd like to offer this tribute to Hot Carl for his ridiculous, repeated attempts to coax me into updating this site. Keep in mind that this is only a mere snippet of what has taken place over the past three months. And of course, every one of these posts from Hot Carl was followed by the middle-finger smiley.

Least Favorite Forum Poster Thread: "How did I forget INEVERUPDATEMYSITEMAR?"

Favorite Forum Poster Thread: "Westmar-No update. Enough said."

Fug It Thread: "Fug Westmar and his lack of updates."

Anybody Know Any Good Limericks Thread: "The Forum they wanted an update But Westy made them wait and wait We gave him the finger And yet he still lingers Now he's the member we hate"

Need A Decision Regarding Westy Thread: "We haven't had an update in months and something needs to be done!"

Guys Who Looked Weird In Their Last Uniform Thread: "Apparently somebody never updates their fuggin' site!"

I've Changed My Tune About KK Thread: "WE HAVE NUTHIN'! Not since July 26th, anyway!"

Newbies?? Thread: "People don't bookmark sites that never get updated!"

Orphus Thread: "I'm on pins and needles. Please hurry. Your update can wait."

Orphus Thread: "That's not a fuggin' update!"

Orphus Thread: "I disagree with CDUBB...if you don't do an update post-haste I will hate you forever."

Orphus Thread: "Now go update your site as you wait in breathless anticipation of my review!"

New Off The Couch Thread: "Sounds good in theory but if it never gets updated it SUCKS!!"

http://orphusonline.tripod.com
free clips and full song downloads available

Go there! Orphus's new CD "Map Of Hawaii" is now available!

The Forum sure has been "interesting" lately, hasn't it? I sometimes feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone. Blue Lou Boyle's post total is a negative number, someone has signed up as Drunky McDrunk, and jpg1 thinks 100 posts is a big deal.

Needless to say, the big announcement of the update is the retirement of the KCFORUM.net Poster Power Rankings. I'd like to thank HuskerBen for helping me come up with the idea, but I just don't feel it's working very well.

By the way, in case some of you have yet to discover it, I have a special sound clip website where you can hear some various audio clips from a Royals game outing with Twisted Steel, Hot Carl, CDUBB, catkins, hawkchief, Tito Man Tito, and myself. Check it out at http://westmar3.tripod.com


Westmar's Best Of KCFORUM.net - 35th Edition

"LJ is apparently not a man of his word. I guess he just flip flopped out of his retirement. kind of reminds me of a little kid holding his breath." - jdub
W: Even when we tell LJ he's not allowed to retire and still breathe through his nose, he continues to do so. 

"This has to be the first time Catkins has ever suggested that someone refuse something shaped like a banana. Next he is going to be disappointed when he finds the condom at the bottom of the mayo jar." - Karupt
W: Ok. So the catkins "gay" jokes are over now...right? You hear that jpg1?!?

"I enjoy a lot of your (Soylent Green's) posts, but the ones I really like are the ones you never make." - Blue Lou Boyle
W: Call me weird, but I'm terribly disappointed in the person who screwed up Blue Lou's post totals. I was honestly very interested to see if he could pass pell by Halloween. Now we'll never know. That's...unfortunate. I'll say no more. 

"I was rounding 3rd last night on my way to score and I thought I was going to die. What fuggin moron coach put a faster player behind me in the line-up?" - BobbyD
W: Now this was funny. Granted, he posted it in the thread about The Mule witnessing a man having a fatal heart attack at his softball game, but...it was still a nice tension breaker, in my opinion.

"I'll freely admit to my complete and utter lack of hipness, but what exactly is my gill, and why do I need to guard it?" - Rancho Relaxo
W: I think we later decided that this is actually a reference to a Kevin Costner disaster titled "Waterworld".

"Twisted get in here and straighten out your sportsnut." - chiefsfarmteam
W: Does every man have a sportsnut. If so, can someone tell me where it's located?

"The old O&A would share some memories. The new O&A doesn't see the point." - O&A Army
W: Oklahoma City has apparently changed KCFORUM's version of Larry
Flynt. I have to go there two times in the next two months. Wish
me luck. If I come back talking about " the old westmar" and " the
new westmar," please have Stonie kick my ass.  

"You (trevortime) are a woman? Sweet! Can you teach me how to be a lesbian? Please?" - catkins
W: Stop! Trevortime!

"With Sin Sister hit or miss, it's good to have a resident dick tease on a consistent basis. Welcome aboard Trevor!" - Battle Cat
W: Doh!

"If some exceptions apply then bmanpoo is your guy. I hate to send a cyclist in to do a man's work but bmanpoo is the coolest non-married dude I know." - Hot Carl

"He's (bmanpoo) really only 26, but he rides his bike in sandstorms." - Real Stonie

"This isn't going to turn into a Wizard of Oz reunion is it?" - Twisted Steel
W: Poor Hoosier Dan. Since I haven't met him, I often wonder if he deserves the crap he receives.

"Revelations 18:23 says something like 'In the end times Newbies will have hundreds of posts, Twisted Steel will outpace pell and O&A will make a post that Catkins hates and Stonie likes.' It may be time to get right with God." - O&A Army
W: Check the exposure...something's wrong with this picture.

"I went to Worlds of Fun, said Fiber's dad sent me and I got in free. Course they were only open for an hour, so we had to run really fast to get on all the rides. But I argued with the ring-toss guy and got a free prize!" - frankentiger

"All I can say is the only time I've masturbated while driving is through Iowa." - Blue Lou Boyle
W: Iowa really is THAT beautiful, isn't it?

"My brother-in-law lives in Olathe and there are midget twins (!) who live next door to him. In fact, the first time I saw them they went whizzing past us on their bikes and when I bolted to the deck to get a better view of them I ran right through his screen door. Midgets freak me out." - Hot Carl

"Damn, how did I forget about Jerry Lewis?! I want to add him to my dead pool list!" - pell
W: He's still alive? (FYI...when I say "he" I'm referring to Jerry Lewis, not pell.)

"If my dogs puke the only way it's not going to be there when I get home is if the younger one eats it. My wife would leave it there for a week if that's how long I was going to be gone." - Footys
W: This sounds disturbingly familiar.

"WHOA! I just recalled a dream I had last night. I was a fake photographer and somehow I got a gig for Annie Lennox to come to my house for a photo shoot. She showed up in huge sunglasses and jean shorts. Instead of taking pictures of her, she took several thousand photos of me. As she drove off there was a huge picture of me on her tour bus. What does this mean?" -Real Stonie
W: It means you should start taking your film to faster developing
establishments.

"Westmar...I would like to politely ask to be left off of all future power rankings on your update site. Being #1 has caused a severe back lash of jealousy and resentment from some of our fellow posters. I am just here to post and have fun and help pass the time at work, not get into pissing matches with people who resent me and are threatened by me because of some meaningless ranking. I just want to post freely without the constant problems that comes with being ranked #1." - CDUBB
W: This, my friends, happens to be a mere coincidence.

"I swear to God I just nearly blew Rolaid chew out of my nose." - Hoosier Dan

"Hell, it's a race now to see if I can hit the top spot before the Chiefs make the Colts punt...just once!!!" - Sully75

"Yes, but moving forward does mean a lot. I just printed off this week's standings (Poster Power Rankings) and am having my wife put it in my kcforum scrapbook." - Karupt

"Sheri is a cutie. I wonder if she has any nude pics up anywhere to show her carpet matches the drapes." - HuskerBen

"Does anyone else get a picture in their mind of Hipity eventually chained up in BLB's basement wearing a leather mask with chicken feathers poking outta his ass. A soccer ball positioned 4 feet away from him with a three foot length of chain secured to a studded dog collar around his neck and eventually choking himself to death as he insistently tries to bend it like Beckham?" - JayhawkChris

"ANYONE who would grope CDUBB's junk in front of anyone has SEVERE EMOTIONAL problems!" - Real Stonie

"...last night, I offered to show her my 'gavel'. She sustained her own objection to that one. Keep in mind though that this is the same women who, after I adopted Pell's BRILLIANT strategy of tying a bow around my equipment and presenting it to my wife for Christmas, said, 'can I return it?'" - lawgeek
W: I don't even know how to respond to this. Hang in there, lawgeek! It'll get better. That's what they tell me, anyway.

"Nick, Nick, Nick (NickOrange). You're a sweet kid, don't ever change. You see, this forum IS a big deal. I made $45,000.00 last month from endorsement deals with Coke, Hardy Gal Big & Tall Stores and Milwaukee's Best. That's alot of money for a guy like me. For some of us, this is the way we make our living. Do you honestly believe that I have a job? That's a joke man! I live in my parents downstairs apartment that I rent for $250 a month. People have DIED so that we can post in freedom! Don't take it for granted! VOTE!...errr...whatever." -catkins
W: What catkins meant to say was: "VOTE 'YES' FOR THE SPRINT CENTER, YOU JINGLE-ASSES!!"

"Isn't Roger Clemons that guy on the Mizzou basketball team who hurt himself on the ATV and kidnapped his girlfriend and got kicked off the team? I didn't know he played baseball too." - Maxtastic

"The same conversation actually does take place at Greg Hall's house where he named his column after something his career never did get 'Off the Couch'." - Karupt
W: It's a little known fact that Greg Hall's first column at the Platte County Landmark was accidentally called "Off the Coach". 

"LJ is the Einstein of the politcal thread. He's a drive-by ass clown." - Battle Cat
W: This didn't make a lick of sense. But Battle Cat's just so cute and cuddly...how can I NOT quote him every once in awhile? Holy crap! I quoted him TWICE in this update! You see, KC Paul? If you were cute and cuddly... 

"I went to the Missouri Driver's License Bureau and said 'Grunny sent me'! They suspended my license." - Colonel Klink

"We had a plumber come to our store and said that CDUBB sent him. Turns out CDUBB had been here earlier. We really DID need him." - Twisted Steel

"Dude, you're obviously not married. I am already married to one woman who: (1) complains; (2) spends money; and (3) doesn't sleep with me. Why in the hell would I want another?" -lawgeek
W: Note to self...lawgeek makes good points out of court, as well.

"My 4-year old daughter had to pee really bad Sat. night so I held her in a parking lot by the car so she could go. Next thing I know, she says, 'now I'm going to poop, Mom.' I thought for sure she was going to sh*t on my feet! Needless to say, we hurried inside." - KCsportsnut
W: I think KCsportsnut is coming around, slowly but surely. She actually holds her own BETTER on the telephone than in The Forum. But she does do a pretty good job of putting that Twisted Steel guy in his place.